OkCupid Got Rid of Their Journal :-(

(as of October 2013)

OkCupid got rid of their Journal feature, so moving all of my posts over to Blogger...

My OkCupid profile is here... http://www.okcupid.com/profile/multipassionate

Rules by Rand

Two Simple Rules to Live By
(from one of my friends)

1. Leave the world better than you found it
2. Have as much fun as possible while doing so

http://nulldivide.com/post/60805027675/two-rules

My Multiple Husbands...

Inspired by this post...
 https://www.facebook.com/fontainejmarsi/posts/10151317851190132
I created my list of my different husbands ;-)
(the order doesn't matter - I want all of them!)

Husband #1 is the Intellectual / Futurist. He's a mathematician or scientist or engineer. He knows how to program and wants to learn everything! We talk about new research that's just come out and solve math problems together for fun. We love geeking out together, and he helps me to keep my mind active.

Husband #2 is the Acrobat / Athlete. He is totally fit, and can easily lift me over his head. Together we do parkour, and acroyoga, and partner acrobatics. We love working out together, and he helps me to stay fit, strong, and flexible.

Husband #3 is the Dance Partner. He can do a mean tango, a slow sultry blues, and a fun jazz routine. Together we dance totally in sync - no lead, no follow, just dance. We love moving together, and he helps me to find flow and connection.

Husband #4 is the Hot Guy. We might not have much in common, but when I see him across the room, I get hot  He's got a big dick, and he knows how to use it. We love fucking together, and he helps me to feel excited and turned on in life.

Husband #5 is the Best Friend. He's always there for me, and it's so comfortable talking with him and being with him. We share all the ups and the downs of our lives with each other. We love supporting each other, and he helps me to know that everything will always be ok.

Husband #6 is the CEO / Entrepreneur. He's running his own company, dealing with employees, helping customers. We can commiserate about the joys and hardships of owning a business. We love building our businesses together, and he helps me to push myself to think bigger and do more.

Husband #7 is the Philanthropist / SocialDoGooder. He's saving the rainforests, building a school in Africa, and meets with his Little Brother every week, by Skype if he has to! We love changing the world together, and he helps me to think beyond myself and my current worldview.

Husband #8 is the Adventurer / Traveler. He's a nomad, constantly on the move. We're always going to new places and checking out new cultures. Different environments across the globe - from backpacking through Asia to ritzy hotels in Europe to a hexayurt on the playa. We love exploring with each other, and he helps me to be in awe and see the most amazing sights.

Husband #9 is the Father. He is so caring and loving (and yet firm and scaffolding) with our child. He takes an equal role in all aspects of parenting - the fun and play, the education, and the dirty diapers. We love raising our child together, and he helps me to be an amazing mother without losing myself in motherhood.

A friend's wedding vows...

One of my friends posted their vows - I love seeing couples create their own promises and commitments that make sense within their relationship.

"- I will be your partner in life no matter what the circumstances.

- I vow to be honest with you.

- I promise to stay conscious of my choice to be with you in this relationship.

- I vow to bring playfulness and humor to every day of our lives together.

- I promise to support you to live your life with purpose.

- I will encourage you to grow when you are met with obstacles

- I vow to come from a place of LOVE in all of my interactions with you.

- I promise to keep you informed of my needs and enthusiastically help you get your needs met. 

- I will share the loving and healing energy we create with the world, and use it to catalyze my life purpose."

I choose both!

I aim to be one of the exceptions to this rule...  :-)
http://casnocha.com/2010/03/do-you-want-a-family-or-a-calling.html

Partly because I think kids can be included in real life more, and thus included in your 'calling' - they don't need to be separated.  Also because I plan to have the support and the 'village' of a family-friendly intentional community.

The point of a relationship...

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/11/the-whole-point-of-every-relationship-is-probably-not-what-you-think-it-is/

"It’s about helping the person in front of you be everything they truly are."

Traveling

https://jamesrusselllingerfelt.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/date-a-boy-who-travels/

Someone with HEART

5 Attributes that HubSpot Values in their Culture
(I value these too - I am looking for someone with HEART.)

"Humble: Modest, despite being awesome.  Self-aware & respectful.  When things go well, humble people share the credit.  When things go poorly, humble people shoulder the responsibility.
Effective: Gets sh*t done.  Adds value.  Sense of ownership.  Resourceful
Adaptable: Constantly changing.  Life-long learner.  Change is the only constant.
Remarkable: Worthy of being remarked on.  Has a superpower that makes them stand out in some way.
Transparent: Open and honest with themselves and with others.
HubSpot wants people with H.E.A.R.T.
Example 1: If you're closed, arrogant, and stuck in your ways, it doesn't matter how effective you are.  It's not going to work out.
Example 2: You can be remarkably smart, humble, and open.  But if you're not effectively moving us forward, it's not going to work out."
from http://onstartups.com/tabid/3339/bid/97200/Does-HubSpot-Walk-The-Talk-On-Its-Culture-Code.aspx

Home and Location

This resonates...
http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/10/moving_around_without_losing_your_roots.html

Different Types of Attraction & Love

So how love works for me (just my personal experience, and from talking with others, especially men, I'm kinda unusual)...

There are two different types of love that I feel (three if you include familial love, four if you include my general love for all humanity). :-)

One type of love that I'll call friendship love is mostly a growing feeling - the longer & more I know someone and am friends with them, the more I care about them, the more I want good for them, the more I am willing to go out of my way to help them or hang out with them. I have some friends where it grows more quickly than with others, because of aligned values and interests, but this love is on a continuum, rather than being discrete. However, this isn't a really romantic love, and I wouldn't say that I am 'in love' with my friends - but I still feel like this friendship love is a very important aspect of my life. :-)

The other type of love that I experience that I'll call 'click' love is an all-or-nothing, all-encompassing, overwhelming connection with the person. It happens to me on average every 1-2 years, and I know it from my first significant interaction with the person (although often, I've had non-significant interactions with them before - been to the same conferences/events, etc - so it's not really 'love at first sight'). This is a romantic love, but it's also a friendship love, and a familial love, and an unconditional deep caring and wanting the best for them and their life. If I were more spiritual, I would say that I had had previous lives with these people, or had some karmic destiny with them, or something, because of how intense and immediate the feeling is. Usually the other person feels some sort of connection as well, although not necessarily as intense, and sometimes more on a friendship/interesting person basis than an all-encompassing and somewhat romantic basis. Sometimes it leads to a relationship, sometimes to a deep friendship, and sometimes to just a friendship. Whatever happens, I would say that I both love and am in love with these people. While this love is romantic in a way, and if they wanted a relationship, I would be very open to it at least on an emotional level (if not on a practical or rational level), it's not only a romantic feeling - overall, I just want them to be happy, and if being with someone else makes them happier and more productive and more able to live the life that they want to live, then that's what I want and I'm happy for them (yay for mirror neurons and compersion!) :-)

Some of my friends have argued that this 'click' love that I feel is actually infatuation or lust, but I don't think that it is given that it's not just, or even mainly, a physical attraction, as well as how long it lasts (it may ebb & flow as we live closer or further or get busier, or I may have rational/lifestyle reasons to not be in a relationship with them, but the love & connection never goes away, or at least hasn't for over 10+ years).

As far as more general attraction, I am attracted to people in five ways...

1) Physical. There are some men that are just incredibly physically attractive to me - this is what I think of as lust. If I see them across the room, I get turned on ;-) Sometimes they are tall, dark, & handsome - sometimes not. I can be very physically attracted to someone without necessarily being attracted to them in other ways (although usually the more I find out about them as a person, the less I am attracted to them physically if we aren't aligned in other areas). This attraction is on a continuum, and as mentioned, can vary a bit (but not a lot) depending on other variables - I can also find a guy more physically attractive if I'm attracted to him in other realms.

2) Intellectual/Interesting. There are people that I find to be very interesting - in how they think, in what they're doing, in how they're creating change. I am attracted to their minds and their curiosity and their initiative. This is the way that I am attracted to many of my friends and acquaintances. I enjoy conversations with them, and working with them on projects. This attraction is also on a continuum, and can vary, up or down, sometimes a lot, as I learn more about a person and spend more time with them. It is not really affected by my physical attraction to them or my emotional attraction to them.

3) Emotional/Comfortable. There are people who I am extremely comfortable with, who I can talk to about anything, who I know will be there for me and who I will be there for them. I am attracted to their emotional stability and their usually happy and/or optimistic state. This attraction is again on a continuum, isn't really affected by my physical or intellectual attraction to the person, and can vary, up or down, as I see the person in more situations and exhibiting more emotional states.

4) The 'Click'. There are a few people that I experience that immediate connection with, the 'click' love that I talked about above. This is pretty much a binary, all-or-nothing attraction, which greatly influences the other areas of attraction. If I 'click' with someone, I immediately feel extremely comfortable with them and emotionally attracted to them. The guys that I tend to click with are already fairly intellectual/interesting, but the 'click' makes them even more intellectually attractive to me than they normally would be. And it also raises my physical attraction to them, although not quite in the same way as a pure physical attraction (there are a few guys that I am more physically attracted to than the men that I click with - the guys that I click with, I am attracted to them as a whole, rather than as their parts). The 'click' also means that I see their 'bad habits' or 'annoying things' as cute or endearing or quirky, or I see the positive side of it. For example, I love hearing a certain person's slight snoring - even if it's keeping me awake, it makes me smile, because it means that he's actually sleeping and getting the rest that he needs. :-)

5) Similar Lifestyle Desires. Last, but not least, I am attracted to some people because they want to live the same type of life that I want to (either presently or in the future, aka wanting to have a family while also doing meaningful work, etc). This is mostly on a continuum, although the wanting to have kids or not is kinda a binary point in that continuum. If this attraction is high, then it's likely that my intellectual/interesting attraction to them is also high, but the similar lifestyle attraction doesn't really correlate with physical or emotional attraction. And unfortunately it hasn't yet correlated well with the 'click' - in the past, I've clicked with men who don't necessarily want the same relationship or total life package as I want unfortunately. 

I sometimes wonder if this 'click' love is a necessary part of a good, long-lasting relationship for me. It certainly feels like it is – it makes a world of difference in how much I want to be with a person. I do have several friends who I find to be all-around attractive: physically and intellectually and emotionally - but it is still qualitatively different than how I feel about the men that I 'click' with.  But yet, I haven't 'clicked' with someone who likes me back in a relationship way and also has similar future lifestyle desires. If I am to believe this post - http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2013/01/07/how-to-pick-a-husband-if-you-want-to-have-kids/ - then I should stop thinking about the 'click' and just focus on the other attraction areas, especially the lifestyle desires. But that feels too planned, too forced, too rational - and love isn't rational! :-)