Connection / Click

What is connection?  Is it something that you can consciously create, or is it that magical 'click' that you just feel (or don't feel as the case may be)?
For me, connection & 'clicking' seems to be something that just happens and is either there or it's not.  Having a connection with someone makes pursuing a relationship easy - I want to talk with the person, I want to spend time with them, and sharing my life with them leaves me feeling better.  Since I'm introverted & currently kinda stressed from work (and having to be social/outgoing at work), if I don't click with someone, then answering their messages becomes something on my to-do list rather than something that enlivens & excites me.
One of my friends doesn't experience connection in the same way I do, and he's always telling me that I need to build the connection by spending time with the person (online or in real life).  I wonder if I can get myself to do that, to work on building a connection - since I experience 'clicking' with someone so infrequently (but the few times that I do connect, it's great!)  There are so many interesting guys out there that might be great for me, but I don't feel that immediate connection with them.  I wonder if there's a way to create the 'click' to make the dating process easier.  (Or maybe the immediate connection is a valid signal, and I should just wait until I feel the 'click' naturally.)

eHarmony

So I took the test and posted a profile on eHarmony, but I'm not liking it. The questions that you can answer on your profile are so generic that everyone seems the same and I can't tell if someone is interesting or not.  I end up closing matches for stupid little reasons, rather than because I actually feel like I wouldn't click with the guy.
Also the 55 guys or so that they've 'matched' me with didn't seem like guys that I would normally be interested in.  Maybe it's because the type of guy that I'm looking for isn't on eHarmony, and the matching algorithm is just doing the best that it can.  But I've found much more interesting people on okcupid, people that I have a lot in common with in terms of interests.
Although eHarmony does make me think & ponder...  On okcupid and irl, I tend to focus on finding guys who I have things in common with (interests in math/science, cogsci/learning, movement/dance, etc), and while I've certainly met some cool people and had a few good relationships, I haven't found 'the one' or whatever.  Maybe I'm looking for the wrong thing - maybe I need to go more of the eHarmony route, trying to find someone who matches me on more of the relationship 'must-haves', 'life-skills', and 'personality profile' rather than someone who matches me on interests.