Dating vs Awesome Relationship

I have guys (and women) ask me sometimes - how can you have time for a relationship, but not have time for dating?

First off, I have never met anyone that I've been truly interested in through dating (online sites or otherwise) - I meet interesting-to-me men through mutual friends, at conferences or events, and through non-matchmaking websites/social media - or often times, some combination of all of those!  :-)

And the truth is I don't have time for a regular ol' relationship - but I do have time for an amazing relationship!  :-)  Being in an ok relationship takes more away from my life (in terms of time and energy) than it gives back, and even a good relationship is usually only a slight net positive.  But in an amazing relationship (at least for me), even just having the person around (physically or virtually) for the slightest bit adds to my life.  Even if we're not seeing each other all that often because we don't live in the same place or we're traveling or we're working a lot - just knowing that the person is there emotionally helps to comfort and inspire both of us.  That's not to say that I wouldn't love to spend tons of time with my significant other when we're both free or if we're working on the same project - but it's recognizing that we're both living full lives and we're both complete and whole (and awesome!) by ourselves.  We don't *need* each other, but we want each other.  To me, it's not worth being with someone unless we're both passionate about each other.  :-)

And to that mutually-passionate end, when I do meet someone that I am romantically connected with, of course I would love if they felt the same way - but if they don't, that's fine too.  They're still an amazing person, and I still think they're awesome, and I'm still going to be good friends with them and want the best for them, including finding someone who they do feel wildly passionate about and who is passionate about them back.  :-)

Marriage...

"Marriage: A partnership of two individuals committed to enhancing each other's strengths, and balancing each other's weaknesses. A stronger, more highly functioning unit than only one, which thrives on mutual support and protection, and encourages/celebrates autonomous growth. Healthy marriage must continually work to solidify and enhance the marital bond, so partners may continue to grow alongside each other, and their union reflects these developmental changes. Intimacy that stops growing, has begun dying."
- from http://gettinbetter.com/glossary.html

Not needing each other...

A great relationship isn't about needing each other - it's about wanting each other and choosing each other.  It's about having gone out into the world by ourselves, experimented & tried out different ways of living, dated different people, and then choosing to come back to each other, not because it's the status quo or because it's easy, but because we really want each other and because we know that we're good for each other.  Recognizing that we could be happy by ourselves or with someone else, but consciously choosing our relationship because we're much happier, both in the present and in the future, being with each other.

I want the people I love to be happy.

"To me, an open relationship is a relationship in which you support the other person to completely and totally live the life they wish for themself. To discover who they are, to connect with people without limitations, fears or feelings of guilt. To enjoy life to the fullest and to be the happiest person they can be. I want the people I love to be happy. I want myself to be happy. I want this world to be a happy place."
- from http://www.wilriekeuiterweerd.com/my-open-relationship/#.UK7Y-4fLcxH

I love this quote - although I would take out the word 'open' because for me, every relationship, every friendship, is like this - open or not.

Soul Mate

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…" - Elizabeth Gilbert from Eat, Pray, Love

Not sure if I agree about the not being able to live forever with your soulmate, but I like the idea of being with someone who challenges me to be my full self.  Who won't just sit around with me and let our lives decay - but someone who together will push us forward.

Best Friend

"A real woman is a man's best friend.  

She won't stand him up and won't let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions, and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible..."

-Michael McCarty

A relationship is...

A relationship is about growing together. About a give and take of knowledge and experience. About seeing eye to eye as peers and partners. About not keeping track of who is giving and getting, because giving is getting and vice versa. A relationship is about finding someone who will tell you what you need to hear, especially when no one else will, all while keeping your best interests at heart.  About having someone who can expose you to your unknown unknowns.  A relationship is about finding someone who you can share your deepest insecurities with. About being with someone who can push you to become a better person. Someone who you would trust your life with. Someone who knows all of your mistakes and weaknesses and still thinks the best of you.  Someone who will be your partner forever.

"We're all a little weird, and life's a little weird.  And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."  -Dr Seuss  :-)

We...

We...
We both feel a deep and profound connection to each other.
We both feel like we can be completely ourselves with each other.
We love each other unconditionally.
We are witnesses to each other's lives.
We inspire each other to live fully.
We give and receive to & from each other easily, effortlessly, and lovingly.
Being with each other is blissfully content & easy - we make each other's lives better.
We change and evolve together, helping each other to become more of who we really are.
We leave each other feeling loved, adored, admired, and deeply desired for our whole & complete selves.
We are ready, willing, & open to receiving each other into our lives and to being completely in love with each other.
We support each other's growth & development.
Together we make a difference in the world.
Together we do so much more than we could have ever done alone.
We have time & space in our lives for each other.
We both energize & calm each other, bringing focus & wholeness to our lives.
We give each other a sense of security, stability, & comfort, while challenging each other to play, adventure, and make a difference in the world.
We are priorities in each other's lives, even though we are both doing so much.
We love and appreciate each other.
We are each other's biggest fans & cheerleaders, supporting each other to do so much more.
We are open & honest with each other about all aspects of ourselves, knowing that we will always love each other, always be a part of each other's lives, no matter what.
We are immensely physically attracted to each other, and our sex life is both wildly fulfilling and extremely comforting.
We enjoy communicating with each other about our lives and our relationship, and we do so consistently to share ourselves with each other.
We wake up each morning, knowing whether or not we are physically next to each other, we are always emotionally & mentally next to each other.
Together we are in love, happy, and fulfilled.
We share the most intimates, our secrets, with each other.
We make ourselves and each other blissfully happy & productive.
We know without a doubt that our lives are better together.
We feel a deep sense of compatibility with each other: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually - both long-term and on a day-to-day basis.
We have an immediate connection with each other, from our first significant interaction.
We are drawn to each other.
We understand and connect with each other in many ways and on many levels, and our connection only grows stronger with time.
We bring a sense of peace, calmness, and happiness when we are around each other.
Communication between us is easy and flows effortlessly.
We make each other smile.
We love to share our hopes & dreams with each other, and then help to make them come true!
We know each other intimately.
We feel like we've known each other forever.
Our strengths & weaknesses balance and compliment each other.
Our talents blend perfectly, and we continually contribute something meaningful to the world.
We feel totally in sync with each other.
We feel like best friends from the beginning, and we know that we'll be friends for life.
We aren't perfect, but we're perfect for each other.
We know that we are together for life, through the good & the bad.
We love each other because of who we are when we're together.